@MavenofHonor

Maybe I should’ve learned to code instead of majoring in Bermuda Triangle Studies

You Might Also Like

@FatherWithTwins

My sons consider “it’s bedtime” my first offer in the negotiation process

@ThisOneSayz

Ribbon gymnastics class only it’s me trying to detangle the cord on my headphones.

@riot4rach

[at a party]

host: would you like a tour

me: no thanks, but hey while I have you here… which room would you describe as “off limits”

@JasonBanksComic

Kids eat free today? Nice… In that case, I’ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.

@TwinSurvivalist

After significant research, I can confirm that toddlers will not go away if you ignore them.

@GVNGMiami

Biden: Maybe we make our own country and he won’t be invited

Obama: Joe

Biden: And MAYBE THIS TIME WE CALL IT THE BLACK HOUSE RIGHT BARACK