responding “ummmm i have a boyfriend” anytime a coworker asks me to do something in my job description
Maybe if Red Bull gave me buffalo wings i’d give a shit.
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[looking at wife as firefighters cut me out of baby swing at playground]
It doesn’t say its specifically for babies, Karen
Finally found a job ad that didn’t mention ‘attention to detail’ or ‘team player’. Finally!
Oh, you’re an early riser?
wife: what’s bothering you, hun?
attila: the romans
I hate it when I’m naked and all lathered up with soap and then run out of quarters at the car wash.
This feels like a totally reasonable reaction
#comics #webcomic #snowman #frosty
ME: My goal is to be king, like my dad.
HER: That’s amazing. Of what country?
ME: It was his goal, Linda. And now it’s mine.
I buried our dead snowman in the neighbor’s backyard
Me, as a judge: OK we’ll take a quick recess now.
*lawyers start discussing lawyer things*
*I go outside and swing on the swingset*