I feel like all bears are Bad News Bears. I’ve never seen a bear and was like “Oh, he looks like he has good news for us, lets stick around”
Me: *falls down entire staircase*
(20 full seconds of silence)
You Might Also Like
[waiter brings plate of seaweed wrapped sushi]
ME-what do I do with this?
W-eat it lol
M-all of it?
M-alright..[nervously bites plate]
Smoke detector: IS THAT A FIRE I SMELL
Me: No I’m making baco-
Smoke detector: IM A HERO
If I got a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you
GENIE: the rule is u can’t wish for more wishes
ME: i wish to amend the rule so u can
GENIE: son of a
Only in America would they name a state after a bucket of fried chicken.
The Bangles neglected to mention Manic Monday is followed by Trauma Tuesday, Wacko Wednesday, and Therapy Thursday.
“Great, now I have to pee.”
why do people romanticize the 1950s? like calm down, we still have milkshakes and racism
I’m just a girl standing here wishing I was as thin as my patience