me: [flips over]

my bed: ah the cool side of the person

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I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.


So we agree when the zombies come we feed em the teenagers first, right?


The restaurant scene from When Harry Met Sally, but just me getting a pat down from airport security.


Me: *eating a cinnamon roll*

3yo: Mommy, I want you to share like a good girl. Sharing is a good thing. *proceeds to take a bite of my food*


While everyone is busy complaining about their tweets being stolen & put on Facebook, I’ve quietly become the funniest person on MySpace!


Put on sunglasses. Now run past a crowd of people with your index finger on your ear screaming “SNIPER HAS BEEN SPOTTED SIR”


Teachers: “There are no stupid questions”

Parents of toddlers: “There are mostly stupid questions”


If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.