HULK WANT LOAN
Bank: We can’t loan to people like you.
*flips table into moon*
Bank: People owing 2.6B in property damage.
Me, hands in the air: woo! SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS.
My doctor: *rips up prescription she just wrote for codeine cough syrup
You Might Also Like
Sugar-free anything tastes like it’s based on a true story.
friend: Are you eating a whole frozen pizza by yourself?
me: It was on sale for $4
friend: I wasnt asking because I thought it was expensive
Me: Is it because I’m always on this trampoline?
Do people who talk on their phones while driving know you can use driving as an excuse to avoid talking on the phone?
[cool person follows me]
me: ok I gotta bring my A game now it’s only good tweets from here
me 5 mins later: horses r just big dogs ?
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
9:30 a.m. Gonna buy a sandwich for later
9:33 a.m. technically this is later
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says “and I didn’t brush my teeth, either.”
Two companies that hate each other? Probably KIA and …Nokia