@dave_cactus
@WheelTod How to tell you’ve had a successful business meeting:
1) You ate free food
2) You said one thing that was confusing enough to sound intelligent
3) You left with no assigned action items
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@WheelTod 
@LucybelleH Mum, that’s not a picture of Jesus
@caithuls RELATIVE: You know about computers, right?
ME (has a degree in computer science): No
@SteveKoehler22 No, Autocorrect ….
the lovely bride was not wearing
a SATAN trimmed lace ensemble –though she can be devilish at times.
@BoomBoomBetty Please don’t exorcise the demon possessing me if it’s really good at things like small engine repair or has a secret recipe for a perfect pie crust.
@sofarrsogud ME: [Consoling my friend, whose dog has been missing for 3 weeks] It’s ok, I’m taking good care of her.
HIM: What?
ME: What?
@OhNoSheTwitnt No thanks, Cosmo. I already know 20 ways to drive my man crazy in the bedroom. Any room really. Unintentionally. I’m difficult to be with.
@Darlainky Oh, you hate leftovers? Maybe you should’ve thought of that last night when I cooked a big meal and you were “not that hungry.”
@legendofchelda Seems kinda suspicious
@JaySuch When I see someone texting and driving I swerve my car into them and try to run them off the road cause texting and driving is illegal.