We get it, cacti, you have great biceps.
Me: I can’t seem to lose weight
CW: Have you tried cutting back on your sugar intake
Me:*stirring coffee with snickers bar* What do you mean
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I’m not usually a fan of non-fiction, but this Cheesecake Factory menu is a real page turner.
My week is basically:
breaking: earthling wins 70th consecutive miss universe title
What was the point in making your car louder, bro?
Do you really want women to turn their heads and notice you drive a 1999 Honda Civic?
Barney only he’s just a regular T Rex who doesn’t know why he’s been left in charge of young mammals or where their parents are, but he’s a total dad so he’s gonna do it.
I’m developing an app that makes a cricket sound effect at the end of my coworkers’ stories.
I’m impressed by girls who paint their eyebrows on. How do you pick one facial expression for the whole day? Like what if you find a penny?