@JoParkerBear God will never give you more than you can handle, unless you were born in the wrong place or don’t have money. That makes God super mad.
@ch000ch me: if ur soulmate dies before u meet them do u get like a backup soulmate
professor: i meant questions about the midterm
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@JoParkerBear 
@GrantTanaka kale is so versatile, it can literally fit into any trash can
@trevso_electric take me down to the paranoid city where the grass is hidden cameras and the girls are all talking about me.
@Kendragarden If I’m ever possessed, I hope the demon remembers these curls need product to bounce.
@the_hawlk “i used to live in india, now I live in indiana”
“is there a difference?”
“na”
@slaughthie All I’m saying is that the Care Bears gave me some very unrealistic expectations.
@0ne_1980 You are what you eat.
*eats Ryan Gosling*
*crosses fingers*
@bingowings14 the chicken was already gone when I got here
@DanMentos [taking FRIENDS quiz]
7. Which character do you most identify with?
Ross
8. Which is your least favorite character?
Ross
@iwearaonesie wife: What’s the best moment of your life?
me: That time I won a stuffed dino-
wife: That didn’t involve a dinosaur
me: Our wedding