When making small talk at a tweet-up, avoid using the word “fungus.”
Me: it’s just a few spoonfuls of ice cream, why are you freaking out?
Him: that’s a ladle
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Slugs are obviously snails that have been through a divorce.
Make a birthday wish for mutant lung power then blow away your cake, your party guests, your house, car, trees, etc.
You can’t spell multitasking without tits. I forget where I was going with this.
Always blow your man. Pamdé went two weeks without blowing Anakin and we all know what happened to that dude.
*aggressively puts Hello Kitty stickers on random Harley Davidsons*
can’t talk my ride’s here
Even autocorrect has no idea where I’m going with this.
Please can I keep him – he followed me home!
I wish I was Jean Claude Van Damme, not to be able to roundhouse kick my co-worker, but to bore him to death as I act out a scene.