
Atheists certainly have a lot to say about the nothing they believe in.
Me: My flight was canceled so I won’t be home until tomorrow.
Her: but you said you were just going out for milk.
Atheists certainly have a lot to say about the nothing they believe in.
My lasagna just took a picture of me and posted it on Instagram
I’m sorry for the things I said when I was attempting to take off my sports bra.
“Why did u jump off that bridge?”
My friend did it too
“Well if your friend jumped off a bridge would u?”
Yes. I literally just said that
Drugs are great until they fall into the wrong hands. I am referring, of course, to the cops or people who don’t enjoy life.
“Are you going to finish that?”
-takes a tantrum from a toddler
i miss catholic school. i just remembered when a girl gave up mirrors for lent. she would duck and scurry into a stall every time we walked into the bathroom… you just don’t run into that kind of weird every day now
Home alone tonight
The fridge is making weird noises
I think the beer wants out….
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
“Great, now I have to pee.”