Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
me: *stepping out of a time machine* I hope I didn’t change anything
t-rex wearing a little lab coat: me too
You Might Also Like
“I maul out of love” – Bear Supply
Of course I’ve slept in the wet spot
My ex drooled like a Komodo dragon
“I don’t watch tv” ok but then what do you do with it
I’m not afraid to go to prison I really need a vacation
Some people exercise on purpose by rowing little boats.
Canoe believe that?
ME: I think I have coronavirus, every morning I wake up aching and sick. It usually goes away by the afternoon, but the next day same thing.
FRIEND: It’s a hangover. You’re drinking 2 bottles of wine a night in quarantine.
ME: My God… wine causes the coronavirus!
Her: In case you’re interested, I’m dying.
Me: Then I’ll only set one place for dinner.
If I were a Greek philosopher, my name would be Mediocrites.
“The Sun is dying. We need help” the scientists are speechless. Cool Dad kicks in the door & removes his shades “It’s daylight savings time”