@caithuls

ME: [watching tv]

FRIEND: You should turn it on tho

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@WineMummy

The scene from The Exorcist where she’s tied to the bed cursing like a sailor, but it’s me when getting a Brazilian.

@LuvPug

I think it would be totes adorbz if I throat punched you the next time you say ‘totes adorbz’

@ItsAndyRyan

‘Escalator’ is what He-Man’s enemy is called in Spain.

@DeaconBlues0

BREAKING NEWS: Today I used a piece of wood that I kept in my garage since 2006 in case I might need it.

@Cryptoterra

My sense of humor has been described as “please stop” and “you’re ruining dinner”

@

I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she’ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.

@Izianikapani

Pandas, skunks and zebras are the oldest species on Earth, dating back to long before colour was invented.

@Cheeseboy22

Pretty upsetting that gummy worms are actual size but gummy bears are not.