Me: What do you say when someone shows you a pic of their ugly baby?

Friend: Just make a comment like “Look at all that hair!”

[looking at pic later on]
Me: Look at all that nose!

You Might Also Like


Why does everyone have to hold their NYE party on the same bloody night?


I have no problem feeding my kid something that fell on the floor, so I get it, restaurant employees.


I like big NUTS n my pecan pie
u other bakers cant deny
When a treat comes n with a crust too thin & the crumbs get on my chin
It gets FLUNG


Next time a job interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years, say “Why TELL you when I can SHOW you?” then just sit there for 5 years.


My credit card company sent me a final notice bill. Good, I was tired of hearing from them


According to the CDC, the leading cause of death in 2016 was having a career in the 80’s that brought you any level of fame


Do not tell a kid you didn’t understand his joke unless you have 4 hours free to hear the explanation.


Carl: So hot today.

Me: Tell me something I don’t know.

Carl: During WW II, Americans tried to train bats to drop bombs.

Me: Fair enough.


wife: [walks in door] so whats the big news?
-the baby walked!
wife: OMG where is he?
-i sent him to the store for an ice cream cake


🎵Whooooaaaa, I’m halfway therrreee
Take this wig, we’ll fake it I swearrrrr