All the toys under the tree
Have now gone
You’ve been hit by
You’ve been struck by
Reverse Santa Claus
me: what do you want from me
wife: a divorce
me: i meant for christmas
You Might Also Like
*Goes to zoo to see the world’s oldest tortoise.
Guide: He’s over 200 years old. How cool is that?
*Tortoise says something racist.
Those guys who came by the office to ask for protection money kept breaking things. Like I’m going to pay people that clumsy to protect me!
just rolled a joint. it was my ankle.
Don’t cry for me, Argentina,
Keep your face dry, Dubai,
No tears, Algiers,
Or from you, Peru,
Now Oman, no cry.
I’m gonna create chaos in my neighborhood by putting giant bows on all the cars the night before Christmas.
Germany defeats Argentina… France surrenders.
Always a bridesmaid, never a new world-order leader in a post-apocalyptic all-powerful matriarchy. Sigh.
“Daddy, how do you get the snow off” my helpless six year old shouts as she’s outside in a snowsuit playing…in the snow…and it’s snowing