@surrealvehicle
@BuckyIsotope All the toys under the tree
Have now gone
completely missingYou’ve been hit by
You’ve been struck by
Reverse Santa Claus
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@BuckyIsotope 
@WoodyLuvsCoffee *Goes to zoo to see the world’s oldest tortoise.
Guide: He’s over 200 years old. How cool is that?
*Tortoise says something racist.
@JohnLyonTweets Those guys who came by the office to ask for protection money kept breaking things. Like I’m going to pay people that clumsy to protect me!
@jennasaysquoi just rolled a joint. it was my ankle.
@ItsAndyRyan Don’t cry for me, Argentina,
Keep your face dry, Dubai,
No tears, Algiers,
Or from you, Peru,
Now Oman, no cry.
@bazecraze I’m gonna create chaos in my neighborhood by putting giant bows on all the cars the night before Christmas.
@UncleDuke1969 Breaking News:
Germany defeats Argentina… France surrenders.
@OlanDevine Appendi
Appendii
Appendiii
Appendiv
Appendv
Appendvi
Appendvii
Appendviii
Appendix
@msgwenl Always a bridesmaid, never a new world-order leader in a post-apocalyptic all-powerful matriarchy. Sigh.
@DadSetAgainst “Daddy, how do you get the snow off” my helpless six year old shouts as she’s outside in a snowsuit playing…in the snow…and it’s snowing