ME: When Princess Leia kissed Luke, did you know they were brother and sister?
GEORGE LUCAS: *laying in bed* How did you even get in here?
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I hate it when I change my profile status to single and the wife changes it back to married
Perfection.
unpopular opinion: The best thing young people can do early in their careers is to delete their dating apps so they can meet someone the old fashioned way (going down on catwoman)
me: are u 2 girls from England
them: Wales u idiot
me: sorry are u 2 whales from England
In 8th grade, I had a crush on boy in my class. At some point, I found out my family was moving & I was going to switch schools. So, I wrote him a very long love letter. The day after I read it to him in front of my class, my parents decided I could keep going to the same school.
Remember the good old days when everyone was going to hell in handbaskets instead of in flaming runaway mine carts?
Tinder isn’t a babysitting app. Apologies to Crystal and Janine for the misunderstanding.
According to my laptop, my New Year’s resolution is 1680 x 1050.
The word October loosely translates to ’eight bers’
*slams jug on counter*
Boom! Fresh milk from the neighbor’s cows.
Wife: Ummm they don’t have cows…they have Dalmatians.