Me: You can’t fire me, I quit!

Boss: You can’t quit, I fired you!

Me: You can’t quit me, I’m fire!


*our eyes lock and we kiss*

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Boy. A zombie outbreak sure could get a solid foothold on a day like today, with all this tomfoolery and whatnot. Be safe out there, guys.


It’s my favorite time of year, the time when everyone puts their clothes back on and goes inside.


Seasons are confusing in Los Angeles. Time to pull out my winter sundress.


Instagram now has video! I’m going to film the hell out of this salad!


I hate when the cashier ask me ” You doing alright today ” when I’m buying a 6-pack of beer with change.


[coming home from cinema]
Don’t let that ninja film go to your head again.
*roundhouse kicks the light switch on*
“I won’t”


I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.


Why is it called a “prison compound” and not a “guilt complex”?


Just saw a guy wearing a hat that says “Don’t Bother Me,” so I asked him where he got it & how much it cost & whether or not it works.