Me: You gotta get dressed, kiddo, we’re leaving soon.
7yo:
Me: Get dressed, please.
7yo:
Me: Please get dressed.
7yo:
Me: Hurry up and get dressed.
7yo:
Me: Put your clothes on.
7yo:
Me: We have to leave in 3 minutes!
7yo:
Me: GET DRESSED RIGHT NOW!!!!!
7yo: Ok! Don’t yell at me!
You Might Also Like
I will probably never be the tallest person in the room, but I will certainly be the highest
hotels: we have two thicknesses of pillows, monster truck tire or comic book
Someone 5 miles away could drop their keys on a carpeted floor inside their home and my dog would still hear it and bark for 20 minutes
o/ = Cheering
/o = The Scream
/o/ = Superman
_o_ = Jesus
lol = I surrender, and I’m laughing out loud about it.
If a demon ever tried to possess me my first thought would be: enjoy that debilitating anxiety my dude.
Signs you’re a full fledged adult:
• You choose restaurants based on the availability of parking
• You pay attention to the weather now
• You have at least one mole you’re keeping an eye on
• You have a favorite stove burner
• You don’t give af what’s “cool” anymore
Oh yeah that’s it
IF THEY’RE THE GREATEST GENERATION WHY CAN’T EITHER OF MY PARENTS REMEMBER THEIR FACEBOOK PASSWORDS?!
I had an uncle who died on a trampoline. What he was doing with a trampoline in the middle of the Vietnam War, I’ll never know.
ME: Can I have the job please
INTERVIEWER: I meant, like, questions ABOUT the job
ME: Ah, yes. About the job: Can I have it
You look so comfortable in your own skin. Could I try it on?
“Don’t eat the baby” is practical advice on Fat Tuesday and every day.
“This year sucked, next year will suck too.” Enough negativity, let’s hear something aspirational. In 2024 we will put all tik tok content creators in jail
Before seeing why your toddler has been quiet for 10 mins it’s best to first call the plumber and write your apology letter to the landlord.
excuse me, waitress?
“I’m not a waitress”
Oh, what are you then
“Well, I’m a..*turns to other burger king employee* what the hell are we?”
ok but this should absolutely be the only acceptable method now
Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?
Reminder to any new followers…Ancestry.com is NOT a dating site…lesson learned…like 4 times.
I know we haven’t talked in awhile but I’ve been thinking about us a lot and I was wondering if u remembered the name of that burrito place
How to test a responsive website for various screen sizes via @aghoshb
Hello my name is Morgan and I used to think lingerie was just a fancy way to say laundry
Turns out a spiral-cut ham will not walk down stairs like a Slinky.
After twenty years, I finally paid off my loan. Please be happy for me.
Friend angrily rolling eyes: I only lent you twenty dollars
No one helped Cinderella when she hallucinated and talked to rats, cause people are garbage smh
Googled how to seduce a guy and Google replied – girl if you have to ask it ain’t gonna happen.
Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone
ALLOW CURSE WORDS IN THE SPELLING BEE ALREADY, GIVE THE LITTLE NERDS A THRILL
Get a hair cut, run away without paying. They can’t chase you because they’re holding scissors. The perfect crime.
My 2yo was running an ice cream parlor out of his bedroom. I ordered chocolate but he insisted I get strawberry. After I paid he snatched the ice cream back and then ate it, not once breaking eye contact.
He’s going to be a terrible business owner.
But an incredible mob boss.
Finally goes to open-mic night. gets on stage. bombs so badly gets arrested for terrorism. #BucketListFails