Me: Your dating profile said you’re looking for a girl who knows how to have fun.
Him: Yes! *winks*
Me: [starts taking kittens out of purse]

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My boss gave me his credit card for lunch and said “grab yourself something too” yet seems surprised that I went shoe shopping…



How to make your house look like a trash can in one easy step:

1. Hand 3yo a muffin on your way to the bathroom.

I know this now.


“Go ahead caller”

Why radio DJ’s should never work a suicide hotline…


Kevin Spacey ordering a takeaway coffee from Starbucks and receiving the cup with ‘Kevin E’ written on the side.


Just ran 45 minutes on the treadmill and burned 732 calories. Or as many people like to call it, 4 olives.


[visit to zoo]

See kids? All these animals have to live here in cages because they woke daddy up early one time.


A group of wild dads just ran into my back yard, built a shed, filled it with tools and told me not to touch any of them or I’d be grounded.


I hate getting cut off because I’ve “had enough.” Who are they to say how much butter I need on my movie theater popcorn?



For BOXERS in the ring.
For lawyers writing BRIEFS.
For guitarists plucking G-STRINGS.

PUNderwear ®

Comfort is No Laughing Matter™


Fox News: Witnesses are telling us Michael Brown may have charged Officer Darren Wilson atop a dragon, wielding a poison-tipped broadsword