@ItMightBeJimbo

Meets girl at bar.
Takes her to Ikea.

Quickly learns the difference between one-night stand and one nightstand.

You Might Also Like

@SladeBleu

Kids want to play with the box the toys come out of.

Men want to play with the box the kids come out of.

@eunoiam

Does Rapunzel use the shampoo “Head & Shoulders, knees & Toes.”

@Reverend_Scott

[Adam and Eve in bed]
Adam, am I really the only girl for you?

GOD EVE, YOU’RE LITERALLY THE ONLY GIRL ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH

@EliBraden

“So, is there a MRS. A-Z?” – Lady hitting on Jason Mraz

@ilovepie84

If we just refer to ISIS as “Nickelback” maybe nobody will want to join them

@GarrettCake

“Asparagus!!!” – italian guy named Gus pleading for his life

@GianDoh

The Wizard of Oz (1939): A Kansas runaway discovers the psychedelic powers of blunt-force head trauma.

@PaulShakeySharp

Ive just finished writing my first ever childrens novel. It’s called ‘We’re poor because of you’.

@KylePlantEmoji

Me: Did you see this photo of Abraham Lincoln riding a giraffe?

Her: I’m pretty certain that’s been photoshopped

Me: don’t be ridiculous, they didn’t have photoshop back then