@SladeBleu Kids want to play with the box the toys come out of.
Men want to play with the box the kids come out of.
@ItMightBeJimbo Meets girl at bar.
Takes her to Ikea.Quickly learns the difference between one-night stand and one nightstand.
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@SladeBleu 
@eunoiam Does Rapunzel use the shampoo “Head & Shoulders, knees & Toes.”
@Reverend_Scott [Adam and Eve in bed]
Adam, am I really the only girl for you?GOD EVE, YOU’RE LITERALLY THE ONLY GIRL ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH
@EliBraden “So, is there a MRS. A-Z?” – Lady hitting on Jason Mraz
@ilovepie84 If we just refer to ISIS as “Nickelback” maybe nobody will want to join them
@GarrettCake “Asparagus!!!” – italian guy named Gus pleading for his life
@GianDoh The Wizard of Oz (1939): A Kansas runaway discovers the psychedelic powers of blunt-force head trauma.
@PaulShakeySharp Ive just finished writing my first ever childrens novel. It’s called ‘We’re poor because of you’.
@KylePlantEmoji Me: Did you see this photo of Abraham Lincoln riding a giraffe?
Her: I’m pretty certain that’s been photoshopped
Me: don’t be ridiculous, they didn’t have photoshop back then
@rabiasquared As the best book lists of 2021 drop
