Melania Trump says her husband is “not Hitler.” That’s true. Hitler had a mustache and adult-sized hands.
You Might Also Like
My doorbell is the theme from “The Exorcist”.
*adds another woman to the stick figure family decals on this car window*
And now we wait.
My wife’s online shopping downstairs so I’m upstairs logged on to the same site and deleting everything in her cart.
Where can I buy a purebred chupacabra on short notice?
Me: Got my finger stuck in this beer bottle.
Wife: How?!
M: Just help me.
W: Have you tried butter?
M: It’s delicious. Now will you help me?
I photoshopped myself into a photo booth strip a coworker had on her desk and replaced it. And now we wait…
So you’ve had white presidents, a black president and now an orange one. I’m crossing my fingers for the Hulk next time around.
gf: that guy hit on me, show him who’s boss
me: *whispering to guy* she is
Goodnight room
Goodnight moon
Goodnight neighbor’s Christmas lights that’ll stay up til June
Since I’m wearing a white top, I’m going to go ahead and eat this meatball hoagie while I drive.