@LittleHarmonica

Men always say they like strong, smart women until you argue with them. And then they’re all like: You talk too much….and I want my Mommy.

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@chairkeyre

The older I get the less I care about bringing all the groceries inside in one trip

@theB6Chronicles

WHAT DO WE WANT!?

A forum for passive aggressive behavior!

WHEN do we want it?

NOW would be great but you seem busy sooo whatever.

@XplodingUnicorn

Me: Can I take a peak?

Park ranger: You mean “peek,” right?

Me: *steals the top of a mountain*

@bencoffeehall

My report card always said I was not living up to my full potential. Well, the joke’s on them. That really was as good as I was going to get

@nedroid

here’s my dating advice. Take your date to go-karts. everyone loves go-karts. I just solved your life. you’re welcome

@Jarhead44

I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I’m in.

@velvettusk

A summer getaway for women that date younger guys in the bathroom & want to learn to carve cantaloupe?

John Cougar Melon Camp

@filth_waste

how are we gonna sell our car this year? how about a commercial where the car is driving around on roads. great work everyone time for lunch