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[Animal Shelter]

Me: 鈥淚鈥檓 here to pick up a rescue dog.鈥

Her: 鈥淎nd what kind of dog did you have in mind?鈥

Me: 鈥淲ell, mostly I’ll be needing him to drag me passed out drunk from buildings I鈥檝e set on fire with lit cigarettes. So… a strong one. Oh & ideally he knows CPR.鈥