Mom’s car ran out of coolant and now it’s driving like a humongous nerd.
You Might Also Like
H: Are you a beer drinker or a wine drinker?
Me: … … … Yes.
ME: we have a problem, they’re out of hot dogs
HER: that’s ok, i’m vegan
ME: ok we have two problems
My Fitbit isn’t accurate when I hold my kid’s hand or push a cart, so I put it on my ankle to get that sexy house arrest look
If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.
We go together like that part in the song from Grease where nobody gets the words right
My 4 year old niece won’t eat the grilled cheese I just made her because it looks funny. Kinda choosy for someone that just ate a crayon.
*sliding dj $4.65 in nickels* do you have the jurassic park theme?
It just isn’t as fun to rob banks any more.
[Trapped on a Island]
*Message in a bottle*
“Please send help!”*Gets message back, months later*
“Linda invited you to play Candy Crush”