@frogpissmouth
@Samiam556 Apparently the safe word has changed to…
NOT THERE IDIOT!!! Followed by a swift elbow to the eye….
You Might Also Like
@Samiam556 
@rachelichtman A miracle birth, then resurrection. Accept Frosty the Snowman as your personal savior.
@Brewsker RT if you are my car keys and I can’t find you
@thecassiecao uber drivers love asking where you’re from even though they just picked you up from there
@JediGigi Me: [I run into the break room at work] You! You have summoned me! I am here.
Coworker: What?
Me: You just summoned me. I heard you.
Coworker: I opened a can of Spaghettios.
Me: Yes.
@TheAndrewNadeau ME: I have zero interest in owning a parrot.
CLERK: This parrot is 80% off.
ME: I will take 4 parrots.
@Reverend_Scott [rubs magic lamp]
GENIE: You get 3 wishes
“Anything?”
GENIE: No wishin for more wishes
“I wish for more genies”
GENIE: I don’t like you
@OllyiConic [used car]
ME: my credit’s bad
SALESMAN: k
ME: i’m a criminal
SALESMAN: no law against that
ME: i’m on the run
SALESMAN: then you need a car
@Dawn_M_ A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
@PattyArquette Finally all the people in the White House are being polite. They are all running around saying “pardon me.”