A haunted house where they make you look at your checking account balance.
me: HELLOOO TRYING TO DRINK A LATTE HERE
You Might Also Like
Pancake in Spanish is panqueque, which translates back into English as *does raise the roof motion* bread whaaaat whaaaat
wife: I’m having a baby.
me: *handing menu back to waiter* I’ll have a baby as well.
my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard / their like, is this organic? do u hav a vegan option? can u make it with froyo insted
I know a girl that can hide eggs where your kids will never find them.
UBER DRIVER: it gets dark so early now
ME: please open your eyes
*pronounces surface like Versace*
I knew my 5yo was growing up too fast when he tried to take his shoes off and said “I don’t like bending down anymore”
Making milkshakes because I need help with my yard work.
Missed connection: She wanted classy and I thought she said gassy…