Movie Exec: Give me 3 realistic ideas or you’re fired
Me: A rat becomes a chef
Movie Exec: ok
Me: A dog plays basketball
Movie Exec: Good
Me: A main character has a bottom row locker at school
Movie Exec: Get out
You Might Also Like
Pizza delivery guy just rang my doorbell & I didn’t order pizza. Told him he had wrong house, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
<enter password>
ikilledaman
<password must contain a number>
*7 hours later*
ikilled2men
Me: I want us to get married.
Her: You’ll have to ask my dad first.
Me: Ok but he’s already married…
Stan was confident he was no longer able to make quick getaways because the holes were now smaller.
*Job Interview
Me: “Thanks for meeting with me”
IKEA Manager: “My pleasure. Have a seat”(Sees nothing but a pile of finished wood, quarter inch screws, and an allen wrench)
Me: “What…”
Manager *starts timer*
Genie: you have three wishes
Me: I wish we never met
Genie: but then how would I grant…
Me: your problem
No one wants to talk about Dracula’s defining quality, turning into thousands of bats to avoid human contact.
ME: You see that guy with the half horse body standing in the middle of that crowd?
FRIEND: Ugh. Yes… Let me guess, they’re the *centaur* of attention?!
ME: No. He keeps shitting everywhere and no one says anything
Of all the cheeses, sharp cheddar is the most difficult to deceive.
Amazon Review: Ghost costume
⭐☆☆☆☆
Do Not RecommendPoorly constructed sheet blew away when industrial fan was turned on. I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those meddling kids.