What happens when Christopher’s car breaks down?
*Movie’s 10 second sex scene begins
My dad who’s been missing for 12 years: hey whatcha watchin’
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My dream is to witness a brawl in a McDonald’s and then be the first guy to try to order after things die down.
I’m sad… I’m gonna eat some feelings.
*6 hours later*
S.W.A.T. Leader: Sir, she’s eaten the feelings of the entire team! She… *static*
Call a dude bro 3 times in a row and he’ll automatically flex.
It’s the redoucheflex
“I am doing well.” – Russian man having sex with a well
If someone tells me “don’t be surprised if we find a body” I’m going to be many other emotions first.
Hub: Did you eat all the nachos?
Me: Noooo. I had one nacho.
Hub: because they were stuck together?
Me: LIKE I SAID, ONE NACHO!
Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be YOUR blood.
I’d like to thank my legs,for always supporting me;my arms,who are always by my side& also my fingers,I can always count on them
Me: let’s go vegetarian
Husband: can we still eat eggs
M: of course
H: bacon on special occas-
M: we’d be crazy not to