– much ado about nothing
– 2 much 2 nothing
– much ado 3: toyko drift
– much nothing
– much 5
– much ado 6
– nothing 7
You Might Also Like
“What’s the deal with palm trees?”
What are you doing?
“You said do tropical humor”
Topical. I said topical.
“What’s the deal with ointment”
That time I tried to clap while doing a push-up and almost died.
I heard someone talk about all the sex they were having for like 20 minutes, and now I know how people feel when I talk about CrossFit.
Create a time machine to the 70s by carpeting your entire toilet.
If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, There would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a global food shortage..
If I add up all the cheese I ate this year, you’d think I’m actually made of moon.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life and you’ve already screwed it up.
There are four golden girls and four teenage mutant ninja turtles but ask yourself, why have we never seen them all together in the same place?
I’m glad Pitbull always announces his name right away so I know when to turn the radio off.
I give it a month and all of us will have buzz cuts.
Remember when we used to call the “self check-out” – ‘Theft’?
Beer before liquor, never sicker. Toothpaste before orange juice, dead.
Snakes are terrifying because they can’t trip and fall over shit. No creature should possess such power.
Surviving Wednesday, then remembering the rest of the week still exists
There’s something strangely unsettling about the petting zoo selling hamburgers.
I left a note for my kids this morning to put my clothes in the dryer. Next time, I’ll have to be a little more specific and add START THE DRYER TOO!!!
my favorite hobby is reading a book by a fireplace in a cabin in the woods. in other words, my favorite hobby is being threatening to trees
*In the back of an ambulance
Me: Change the radio station
Paramedic: Please don’t speak. You need to save your energy
Me: Im not dying to a Nickelback song
one of my ex’s just randomly sent me $200 for “the trauma he caused me”. this is the only form of apology i will be excepting from now on
cat owners will hear their cat go “prrrp” in a certain tone and be like “oh one second my cat wants the heating pad turned on”
Deep in the black void where my heart once beat, there lies a small, glowing ember– oh wait no that’s a Cheeto.
“Mysterious, cerebral, suspense, drama”
Netflix are you describing a movie or my last boyfriend?
*daughter reading
*son playing ipod
*dog sleeping
*house quiet
*I go take a dump
FISTFIGHT BREAKS OUT, DOG’S ON FIRE
asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. asked them the same thing until i got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket.
Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.
I like to say “good morning” to older people after 1pm & watch their face burn with the hate fire of a thousand suns for me & my generation.
Are people adding the nuts to their trucks or has mine been neutered?
In any relationship, you have to accept some of your partners quirks & they must accept some of yours. Some people chew loudly. Some people snore. Some people leave the door open so a large opossum can sleep on the couch because he likes the couch & it’s too cold outside anyways.
So, showing you my sweet excel spreadsheet formulas ISN’T foreplay? I really don’t know what to do with that information.
[first day as a jedi knight]
*accidentally runs light saber thru the washer and dryer*