@daemonic3 Oh, you’re a fan of The Chainsmokers?
Name 3 chains they’ve smoked
@Elizasoul80 My 7 year old has been asking a lot of questions this Christmas season and I’m worried that it might be the last year he believes that Bitcoin is real.
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@daemonic3 
@Kali_Mura If a coworker asks to borrow your pen – sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
@Playing_Dad HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA ARE HIDING BEHIND THE CORNER. THEY ARE GOING TO JUMP OUT AND TAKE YOUR PHONE, WALLET AND PURSE.
@lisaxy424 Sorry I commented “yikes” on that pic of your baby you posted on facebook.
@Token_Geezer Babe, you’re just perfect for me
Except that you’re married, have kids, live 8000 miles away and are probably an obese man
@Reverend_Scott Ugh.
“What’s wrong honey?”
My bad knee is acting up again.
*knee robs a gas station*
@HatfieldAnne *person walks past me minding his business and not bothering me in any way*
“What’s this idiot doing?”
@radtoria Cute waiter: Hi, what can I get for you?
Me: *accidentally barks*
@Triballistix If you factor in “supply and demand”… she DOES NOT want the D.
There is so much D trying to go around, not even the alphabet wants the D.
@Glenny_Baby I dated a girl that wore a mood ring. When happy it would be a pretty blue colour. When she was mad it made a big oval mark on my forehead.