If you watch 2016 backwards, it’s a heartwarming story of how celebrities can come back to life just by trending on the Internet.
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said “No, thank you”
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ME: [trying to console a friend whose house has been demolished] Cheer up, bulldozing is the sincerest form of flattery
Pac Man is my favourite video game about my life.
It keeps getting harder and I can’t stop eating everything in sight.
“Are… are you sure you know what an elephant looks like?“
“Of course, why do you ask?“
Bees disappearing is worrisome because of the environment but also there’s the possibility of invisible bees.
The older you are the more you will get dead, so let’s all remember to stay alive, ok?
—my 6 year old spreading cheer at thanksgiving dinner
This is the angriest post I’ve seen on Twitter in a long time.
Super Mario is so unrealistic. No brother would ever help find his missing sister in law.
Me, “I need to get in shape.”
Hubs, “What flavor? Chocolate or Vanilla?”
Me, “Shape, not Shake.”
EMT: [opens my shirt revealing bread covering my nipples] You faked cardiac arrest for this?
Me: Just say clear and make my grilled cheese.