@wendchymes

My Boyfriend hates it when we role play and I’m the Doctor cause I make him wait 3 hours bill him then send in a med student named Chad.

You Might Also Like

@awescar

Working on a screen play that involves zombies invading a prom. I’m calling it “Prom Nom Nom”

@seamussaid

I’d like to visit the Grand Canyon again, but this time – there’s no way I’m going down on a donkey

@spies_please

We must preserve our bookstores. There are so few places you can go to slide sideways on a ladder

@relatabledad

coming to theaters soon: Dawn of the Rise of the Dawn of the Planet of the Rise of the Rise of the Dawn of the Apes

@Maxine12333

Always keep your head up and stand proud! That way your double chin won’t show in your pictures.

@Flora__Flora

How does the little mermaid decide which creatures are her friends and which ones are her bra

@thatcarlygirl

“Please don’t do this,” I beg, as the hairdresser tries to start up another conversation.

@WoodyLuvsCoffee

Subway sandwich employee said he wears the gloves “cuz the meat stings.”