My Boyfriend hates it when we role play and I’m the Doctor cause I make him wait 3 hours bill him then send in a med student named Chad.

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Working on a screen play that involves zombies invading a prom. I’m calling it “Prom Nom Nom”


I’d like to visit the Grand Canyon again, but this time – there’s no way I’m going down on a donkey


We must preserve our bookstores. There are so few places you can go to slide sideways on a ladder


coming to theaters soon: Dawn of the Rise of the Dawn of the Planet of the Rise of the Rise of the Dawn of the Apes


Always keep your head up and stand proud! That way your double chin won’t show in your pictures.


How does the little mermaid decide which creatures are her friends and which ones are her bra


“Please don’t do this,” I beg, as the hairdresser tries to start up another conversation.


Subway sandwich employee said he wears the gloves “cuz the meat stings.”