@mommajessiec “There are way too many people in there.”
~my 7yo’s review of Where’s Waldo
@MelvinofYork My daughter gets all bossy when we’re playing with her Barbies, but I just smile. Then when she’s at school I play with them the way I want.
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@mommajessiec 
@RoxyTall can u imagine being the first person to try coffee. just being like haha i’m shaking but like in a good way
@adult_mom Triscuits are a good snack if you’ve already eaten all the other snacks in your house and the boxes they came in and your own hands
@andrewdrafts If I say “Bloody Mary” three times in the mirror in the dark I get a free drink, right?
@SharkJelly Yoou can lead a horse to water but you need a seahorse to continue your journey
@WhatsAGreenhorn Pinky toes do two things: nothing and break.
@MelvinofYork Whenever an overnight guest is using a spare toothbrush at my house I always walk in and ask them if they’ve seen my butthole scrubber.
@lloydrang Kid: Mommy’s last name must be “Honey” cuz that’s what daddy calls her
Teacher: That’s SWEET. What’s her first name?
Kid: “Sorry,” I think
@Shade510 Her: What do you want to listen to?
Me: You name it…I’m pretty eclectic.
Her: Great…I have Amazon music.
Me: Actually I’m not really into the indigenous stuff.
Her:
@clichedout Me: Good night.
Brain: Night.
Brain: But if dog bacon existed would you eat it?