My daughters took turns tracing each other over and over with chalk.
Now it looks like 25 children were murdered in my driveway.
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me: so… you want to come back to my place? *bites bottom lip*
her: don’t bite my lip
4-year-old: The baby woke up all on her own.
Me: You didn’t wake her up by being loud?
4: No, I was very quiet while I tickled her.
I fear all this talk of llamas & dresses has distracted us from the important fact that there is video of Madonna falling off a stage.
Im not lazy, I keep my windows dirty because I care for bird safety.
Movember is over, so this week anyone looking like a pedophile is actually a pedophile.
*travels back in time to kill Hitler as a baby* *becomes known as time-traveling baby murderer & history’s greatest monster*
Chess in Australia must be hard.
“Check, mate”
“Checkmate?”
“What?”
“Huh?”
Maybe sunscreen is like ketchup to sharks
[watching House of Cards]
where are the cards
Demi Lovato is my favorite singer that is half human, half Lovato