My doctor told me to avoid unnecessary stress, so I stopped going to doctors.

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Me: That’s normal, right?

Instructor: Not during a written exam, no


*cop sees chalk outline on family’s driveway* “Damn, a cute bunny was murdered”
“No, the kids who live here drew that, the body’s over here”


When you take that selfie, make sure your bathroom mirror doesn’t look like a small mouse had a sex party on it the night before.