My boyfriend asked for a dirty pic last night, I was able to get my whole kitchen in the shot. That should last him a while! He’s so weird.
My dog and I are just drivin around, listenin to music and OMG DOG DO YOU EVEN HAVE A LICENSE? PAWS AT 10 AND 2. DO NOT FOLLOW THAT SQUIRREL
You Might Also Like
Q: What’s the difference between a water bottle and puberty?
A: A water bottle has already hit Justin Bieber. #JustinBieber
People often talk about having the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. For me it’s more like Spock and Homer Simpson.
Being a man is pretty cool because men get to have sex with women. Some men.. sometimes.
4yo: Raise your hand if you are young
Me: *raises hand
4yo: No, daddy, not you.
He died doing what he loved: almost crossing the street.
Your date leans in and whispers “I’m not wearing panties.” You shiver. She continues: “I pooped a little and had to throw them away.”
When someone tries to tell me they can’t do something, I’m like “you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?”
me: there are plenty of white rappers
him: …dr seuss
hey people that post selfies on Instagram and caption it ‘No Filter’, go with a filter next time. serious