@OBiiieeee

My dog and I are just drivin around, listenin to music and OMG DOG DO YOU EVEN HAVE A LICENSE? PAWS AT 10 AND 2. DO NOT FOLLOW THAT SQUIRREL

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@browneyegirl9

My boyfriend asked for a dirty pic last night, I was able to get my whole kitchen in the shot. That should last him a while! He’s so weird.

@OneStopComedy

Q: What’s the difference between a water bottle and puberty?
A: A water bottle has already hit Justin Bieber. #JustinBieber

@Xeriland

People often talk about having the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. For me it’s more like Spock and Homer Simpson.

@CrackedIllusion

Being a man is pretty cool because men get to have sex with women. Some men.. sometimes.

@FatherWithTwins

4yo: Raise your hand if you are young
Me: *raises hand
4yo: No, daddy, not you.

@Cpin42

He died doing what he loved: almost crossing the street.

@SirEviscerate

Your date leans in and whispers “I’m not wearing panties.” You shiver. She continues: “I pooped a little and had to throw them away.”

@iLikeCatShirts

When someone tries to tell me they can’t do something, I’m like “you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?”

@illuminatedwndr

hey people that post selfies on Instagram and caption it ‘No Filter’, go with a filter next time. serious