My ex is selling the vehicle I lost my virginity in. I really loved that skateboard.

You Might Also Like


Hey girls: FYI, if you tilt the camera up just a wee bit higher you can actually get your face in the picture.


People laugh cos I’ve got 3 cats, but come the next Ice Age, when I speed past you on my cat sled, who’ll be laughing then?


If life was fair, piñatas would take sticks and beat the shit outta little kids to get their candy back.


Do cannibals just upload a bunch of pictures of their friends on Instagram?


“What are you typing? Let me guess. Oh wait, stop right there, I know what it is. It’s not that? Okay wait.. I know it, I know it!” -Google.


Him: So whattayou wanna do?

Her: I dunno

Him: So…You wanna play video games?

Her: No!

Him: So…You wanna watch me play video games?


Where’s the Google setting that says “I’m researching this for my job. I don’t actually want a roll of a thousand coffee mug stickers”?


Instead of racism or misogyny, why not hate the people who wear pyjamas and slippers to the airport?


if she doesn’t reciprocate ur first “i love u”, press ur finger to ur strategically placed bluetooth & say “oh cool u love me too? nice”


Him: How ’bout this rain?

Me: It makes my asshole itchy.

And that, my friends, is why you don’t talk to strangers on elevators.