@QueenVofCoffee Sorry, michael00008765348921652. I’ve already found my partner and definitely don’t want to get to know you better.
@ThisOneSayz “My favorite sex fantasy starts with you bringing me wine…”
And then?
“Cheese.”
Mmmm and then?
“You close the door from outside.”
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@QueenVofCoffee 
@aveuaskew Witnessing a person attempt to use a word that is beyond their comprehension is like watching a dog eat a bee.
@mattZillaaaa I hate it when all of North America tells me I exaggerate
@MsCassieDaniels Disease doesn’t care if you are a celebrity, Micheal J. Fox has battled Parkinson for 22 years, and Jamie Lee Curtis is super irregular!
@LoveNLunchmeat Either you die or it’s a good trampoline. There’s no in-between.
@PattyArquette Finally all the people in the White House are being polite. They are all running around saying “pardon me.”
@Talk_To_The_Hat Yup….perfect score!
@dadmann_walking clean window: [exists]
toddlers: what’s that taste like
@MelKassel *pulling up to toll both with megaphone in hand*
Booth operator: ma’am please not again
Me: someBODY once tolled me—
@CruelMeiga Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.