I stuffed my mom last night. I know you’re thinking I have an Oedipus complex and that’s gross but jokes on you I’m a taxidermist
My first day in hell I accidentally bump into the meteor that killed the dinosaurs in the cafeteria. Everyone gasps. Satan drops his fork.
You Might Also Like
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “what if Cartman grew up and became president?”, well…
Justin Timberlake: I’m bringing sexy back
Sexy: *nervously* uh no thanks I’ll get an Uber
“The 1st Amendment is a magical shield that protects you from any consequences after publically posting your opinions online.”
In India, Twitter crush is choosen by your parents.
My wife claims watching me do karate “isn’t foreplay.” Why am I even alive.
If someone challenged me to a pie fight, I’d 100% choose the apple pie in the freezer.
You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and suddenly you’re accused of being a kleptomaniac
Boss: Do you have to be so sarcastic?
Me: Great question Dave.
I call bullshit on vampires that look all sexy and shit when they can’t even see their reflection