@ThugRaccoons Jane Austen is short for Jane Stonecoldsteve Austen.
@Adam__Melia My friend Luke didn’t realise until he was an adult that lukewarm was a real temperature, he thought it was just a term his mum used to describe his bath water.
You Might Also Like
@ThugRaccoons 
@vizcomic 
@Amusitr0n [clenching fists] “I’ll fight someone”
Waiter: For the last time sir, ‘cheese plate’ describes the items on the plate not the plate itself
@longwall26 Tonight, people who are weaker, slower, and dumber than you will deliver bags of treats to your very doorstep. Seize this moment.
@adamgreattweet every college guy’s fridge
@PyrBliss I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
@topaz_kell “My therapist told me to create a calming atmosphere,” I tell the manager, after lighting every candle in the store.
@nicfit75 *mops up wine with cat*
@TheHatStore me: I want to buy some drugs
dealer: are you a cop
me: would I get a discount
@jimmytorosian [commercial]
Narrator: These are real people and not actors-Actor watching the commercial: *throws lamp at TV* WE’RE PEOPLE TOO!