My guess is it’s either Geppetto’s workshop or a sperm bank.

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Son, there’s no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.


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ME: I don’t like to talk about him
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Okay you guys, I’m gonna distract Twitter with an internal server error. When I do, make a run for it and get your life back.


The strongest cat exists. Somewhere a cat is walking around, completely oblivious that it is stronger than all the other cats.


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My wife’s story about her day had 18 sub plots, two false finishes, buried the lead and introduced a new character in the third act.


Got fired from my last job as a nightclub promoter because I refuse to break the first rule of nightclub