burglar tip: do NOT steal the clear freezer gemstones they’ll melt in ur pockets & make it look like u peed urself all ur friends will laugh
You Might Also Like
Manslaughter. The sound of a man laughing?
Son, there’s no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.
HIM: Should we talk about the elephant in the room?
ME: I don’t like to talk about him
ELEPHANT: Ok wow I’m like right here man
The Constitution says nothing about it being illegal for cats to carry firearms and this worries me immensely.
Okay you guys, I’m gonna distract Twitter with an internal server error. When I do, make a run for it and get your life back.
The strongest cat exists. Somewhere a cat is walking around, completely oblivious that it is stronger than all the other cats.
The keys Home-Insert-End-Delete are together on the keyboard. Whoever created the keyboard was a big fan of one night stands.
My wife’s story about her day had 18 sub plots, two false finishes, buried the lead and introduced a new character in the third act.
Got fired from my last job as a nightclub promoter because I refuse to break the first rule of nightclub