@LMFaye My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
@sara_ashlynn My husband is out w/friends & I’m at home w/the kids. I’m going to sprinkle Legos under the covers on his side of the bed.
You Might Also Like
@LMFaye 
@Maxine12333 You can’t go by good looks as not everything is as it seems. Remember The Trojan Horse, Snow White’s apple and your ex.
@nocontextgbbo 
@Bexdora My Mother worries about me living in London sometimes.
I tell her it’s not London she has to worry about.
I just injured myself on a potato.
@TheAlexNevil I’m teaching 7 it’s ok for a man to cry, & it’s also ok for a man to jump on a table, scream and throw coins at a spider.
@Matt_The_1st Cop: you know why I pulled you over?
Me: You thought I was black?
Cop: Haha. Yep. You’re free to go sir
@michael_raphone [describing a chair] it’s like a swing without all the drama
@thepatrickwalsh “Be there in 5,” I text, though I am 30 minutes away, completely nude, and engaged in a fist fight with a neighbor.
@dumbbeezie This cashier is a moron
-Me at self checkout
@mirandaasantos throwback to when the car insurance lady asked my mom for front, rear, & side views but she didn’t get the memo..
