@apbenven Please enjoy this video of a baby eating queso for the first time
@nothxdoolx my mom said she fed the cutest black and white squirrel today. my sister checked the ring camera, it was a literal skunk
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@apbenven 
@nevernicethings [orders pizza]
Would you also like our cheesy bread, comes with sauce?
Are you trying to sell me a side of pizza with my pizza? 2 please.
@ShutUpThatsWho [clown cleaning shower]
MRS CLOWN: Don’t forget to remove the hair from the drain.
[clown just keeps pulling long multi-coloured hair out]
@tigersgoroooar The first rule of kite club is you do not talk about Benjamin Franklin.
@traciebreaux My favorite animal is fried chicken.
@etherealraccoon If the office coffee pot doesn’t have to work until it’s banged on the counter neither do I
@Greg_1_Leg Me: *overthinking a million different scenarios
*one of those scenarios turns out to be true
Me: I KNEW IT!
@electric_Dad_ If u want to sound smart just make up coding languages. Like “yeah I know DeltaCube, 17v and Amorph,” literally nobody will know theyre fake
@ilovepie84 My coworker Gwynn broke her leg slipping on ice and didn’t even laugh when I called her Pain-Gwynn
@dafloydsta [therapy]
ME: *in tears* So anyway, that’s why I think she left me
PERSON ON ELEVATOR: Please, I have a family