Please enjoy this video of a baby eating queso for the first time
my mom said she fed the cutest black and white squirrel today. my sister checked the ring camera, it was a literal skunk
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Would you also like our cheesy bread, comes with sauce?
Are you trying to sell me a side of pizza with my pizza? 2 please.
[clown cleaning shower]
MRS CLOWN: Don’t forget to remove the hair from the drain.
[clown just keeps pulling long multi-coloured hair out]
The first rule of kite club is you do not talk about Benjamin Franklin.
My favorite animal is fried chicken.
If the office coffee pot doesn’t have to work until it’s banged on the counter neither do I
Me: *overthinking a million different scenarios
*one of those scenarios turns out to be true
Me: I KNEW IT!
If u want to sound smart just make up coding languages. Like “yeah I know DeltaCube, 17v and Amorph,” literally nobody will know theyre fake
My coworker Gwynn broke her leg slipping on ice and didn’t even laugh when I called her Pain-Gwynn
ME: *in tears* So anyway, that’s why I think she left me
PERSON ON ELEVATOR: Please, I have a family