@internetluke Jeff is here!
“Jeff from work or Jeff the guy who announces his arrival anytime he enters a room”
Jeff is here!
@chryztl My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs… I’ve been his customer for 6 years… I had no idea he was a barber.
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@internetluke 
@Mr_Dizzystick I only eat mean animals: shark, crocodile, jerk chicken, etc.
@Demented_Jokes I always keep a baseball bat under my bed. You know, in case someone breaks in and throws a ball at me.
@Reverend_Scott Principal: about your son…
Dad: our son?
Mom: is he ok??
Principal: yes, yes. but you see, we’ve found that your son is cool. very cool. far too cool to have parents like you. [hits the intercom] Betty, please bring them in.
[Betty enters with cooler parents]
@GrantTanaka On your deathbed tell everyone “pray for me” then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says “pray harder next time”
@squirrel74wkgn [on a date]
Her: *sneezes*
Me: God-
Her: *sneezes* Thank you
Me: -dammit, what’s taking the food so long?
@BlindChow Dad: Son do u know why we named you Titanic Hitting an Iceberg?
Titanic Hitting an Iceberg: Because I w–
Dad: BECAUSE YOU WERE AN ACCIDENT
@BobGolen Before crowbars crows drank alone
@robyn_vo I’m available to be MC for your wedding. I have a joke about Canadian couples saying “sorry” a lot that I think will go over really well.
@Midgetspar You don’t understand how hard it is to play Dungeons & Dragons when your dragon is gay, fabulous and always protesting violence. It’s hard.