My parents told me as a kid that R&B stood for ribbons and bows so when I heard Barry White in their bedroom I left them alone to do crafts.

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My husband took away all my son’s devices before he left for work this morning, so I guess he wants to test the strength of our marriage.


Good for you, the 3 people trying to keep MySpace alive. Good. For. You.


When someone asks “What’s your favorite film?” instead of “What’s your favorite movie?” I know instantly that my answer will disappoint them


If you had a terrible childhood, you’ll be super-bummed out by Bank of America’s options for security questions.


Date: i love cats
Me: [trying to impress] *slowly pushes her plate off the table*


What’s worse than a chick telling you she only thinks of you as a friend? When she says she thinks of you like a brother.


Me: The other day I saw a bottle of wine in my fridge and pet it like it was a dog because I was so happy to see it…wait what was your question?

Them: I asked how being a mom of three boys was going, but I have my answer.


A couple drops of super glue on your fingers and you wont pay attention to any other thing on the planet for three hours.


People who drink green tea, what’s the matcha with you?!