@mxmclain Luggage rack or cop car is the road trip game you hate to lose
@SteveDutzy My pics are real.
I don’t use any filters.
I don’t even use coffee filters.
I eat coffee straight outta the container like a man
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@mxmclain 
@Browtweaten me: there’s a bloody oar in the water
friend: that’s foreboding
me: shut up gary, I know what they’re for
@PaperWash Things more likely to kill you than Ebola:
– choking on a wheat thin
– erotic asphyxiation
– falling off the toilet
– a duck with a gun
@memecrashes 
@IamEnidColeslaw “911, what is your emergency?”
I got stuck in a beaded curtain
“Again?”
SEND HELP
@scenesfromahat As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
@chuuew ME: You’re a silly sausage aren’t you?
SAUSAGE: [peering over spectacles] I may have acted out in my youth but that’s not what defines me.
@FoluOyefeso Some of these captcha tests are hard sha. Maybe I’m a robot?
@blondebombs I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone
“Your lifeguard résumé is just a pic of David Hasselhoff”
I feel it says all u need to know about me
“He’s drunk with a cheeseburger”
Yes