Zen master: Do you possess the Buddha nature?
Me: Well, I’ve spent 49 days under a tree. But that was just laziness.
My Rice Krispies were speaking in tongues this morning, so I’m pretty sure the end days are near.
You Might Also Like
I drank so much wine last night when i walked across the dance floor to get another glass, i won the dance competition.
Planning to edit the three Hobbit movies into one watchable movie. Should I use Instagram or Vine?
I’m gonna hug you in the face with this brick.
My ex just asked if I want to go on holiday with him and my ex mother-in-law and now I don’t need Twitter because I will never stop laughing
6 wakes me at 6:30am: wanna play a game?
Me: go hide! 1, 2, 3…
6: you’ll never find me!
Me: *goes back to sleep*
the best thing i’ve ever made
date: what do you do
me: i run a non-profit
date: which charity?
me: oh…no i’m just a terrible hot dog salesman
Getting a snowstorm today. They said it would start around noon, it’s now 12:02, so already the meteorologists were wrong.
“The results are in. I’m afraid you have Bad Priorities Disease. You have 1 month to live.”
But does my hair look good?