@nPhelendriqal There are so many different genres of music nowadays, but most of it could be filed under “Ear Shit”
@XennDad My son went out, put his hands on his hips, and started saying how great my lawn mowing job looked and this is how dads get high
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@nPhelendriqal 
@brandynmacd axl rose is morphing more and more into elon musk and i am uncomfortable
@WilliamAder Why do they even bother having different brands of milk?
@Paige__xxx *Refuses to go to the gym
Adds resistance training to workout list.
@Judey_moody Wordle 241 1/6
π©π©π©π©π©
Finally figured out how to correctly play this game!
@StuForReal Flying cars sound great but have you seen people drive? No way man
@psybermonkey Me: *practices best man speech while shaving in front of mirror*
Driver’s ed instructor: stop the car
@ShutUpThatsWho [Microsoft Outlook developer meeting]
“we need to tell users when their inbox is full”
how do we do that?
“we send them another email”
nice
@Breadery Before Isaac Newton discovered gravity everyone had to glue themselves down.
@antoniodelotero *gets hit by a car*
Passerby: “ARE YOU OKAY?”
Me: “Please… I need my… phone”
*opens Twitter*
Me: “LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT”