There are so many different genres of music nowadays, but most of it could be filed under “Ear Shit”
My son went out, put his hands on his hips, and started saying how great my lawn mowing job looked and this is how dads get high
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axl rose is morphing more and more into elon musk and i am uncomfortable
Why do they even bother having different brands of milk?
*Refuses to go to the gym
Adds resistance training to workout list.
Wordle 241 1/6
Finally figured out how to correctly play this game!
Flying cars sound great but have you seen people drive? No way man
Me: *practices best man speech while shaving in front of mirror*
Driver’s ed instructor: stop the car
[Microsoft Outlook developer meeting]
“we need to tell users when their inbox is full”
how do we do that?
“we send them another email”
Before Isaac Newton discovered gravity everyone had to glue themselves down.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: “ARE YOU OKAY?”
Me: “Please… I need my… phone”
Me: “LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT”