Men always say they like strong, smart women until you argue with them. And then they’re all like: You talk too much….and I want my Mommy.
My wife is a beautiful, kind & giving woman who also checks my TL.
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I hate it when strangers question me. I’m with my kid, & this lady goes, ‘He’s cute. Who does he look like?’ I’m like, ‘Your husband’
baby proofing your house is easy, just lock your doors. There’s no way they could get in unless there were like hundreds of them or somthing
You’ve reached voicemail of [Jim], leave a message.
“Hi it’s the library. The book ‘How to Steal Library Books’ is now 1 week over…UH OH”
[phone rings in 1984]
“Eric get the phone”
“Tell em I’m not home.”
She’s not home.
“Ask who it is.”
My mom wants to know who this is.
Sorry I looked completely surprised that your baby didn’t burst into flames when I chanted The Power Of Christ Compels You.
8: I’m gonna marry someone who likes a different cereal than I do, so he won’t eat all my favorite cereal.
Me: Sounds pretty legit.
Boss: this project is moving along at a snail’s pace!!
Todd the snail: This is bullshit
*spends 3hrs storming out of meeting*
*sees a babe about to walk through a puddle*
“No no, allow me”
*gets on hands and knees and drinks the entire puddle so the babe stays dry*
Sorry I turned into a martial arts expert when you tickled me