My wife just asked me why she came home to find marinara sauce all over our sleeping baby’s head. Sorry babe, I’M NOT A DETECTIVE.

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my disrespectful teen son somehow got hold of a gluten product and now he wants to become a cat girl


Your greatness is measured by the font-size of your obituary. #AlsoNotoriety


The year is 2020. Hip hop has fully merged with dubstep, creating the genre of music known as Dubhop. All hope for mankind is lost


I was rudely awakened by my wife’s snoring and she had the nerve to get mad because I started howling at the moon.


Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn’t hiring.


Met my boyfriend on eharmony, also eharmony is the nickname I gave this vending machine, meet my sandwich


and on the 8th day, god created a website for u to meet the hot christian singles in ur area