Ned Stark is just a gay Boromir.
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I’m the opposite of clingy, I’m spacious.
This tweet was written by M. Night Shyamalan.
I bet you didn’t see that one coming.
Just found out my old gym is a 5 Guys now
Renewed my membership this morning
I bring giant stuffed animals into carnivals so when I walk around people will think that I am good at something.
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers.
“Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?” SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!
Protip: Eclipse glasses are not cheap but if you wait until tomorrow you can get a really good deal on them.
When the teacher told my 5yo that America was below Canada, my son thought that if you dug a hole deep enough in Canada you’d get to America
Thanks a lot bathroom doors with the gender written in weird symbols. I just want to pee, not solve a sudoku puzzle.
There are two sides to every story. Mine comes with french fries and cole slaw.
“Ok, what shall we call these skewers of food?”
STEVE: How about a Kasteve?
BOB: I have a better idea