Ned Stark is just a gay Boromir.
You Might Also Like
Skills
I quit my job yesterday. Lucky for me I didn’t tell anybody and I was able to go to work this morning when I got up
[Second day in prison]
ME: *looking up from my signup sheet disappointedly* Guys you know I can’t play quidditch by myself
A fun thing to do is scream “JENGA!” and yank a ladder out from under somebody.
Everything about parenting is as unexpected and surprising as finding a dirty fork in the shower.
But, please, why is there a fork in the shower?
*gets so drunk I grab a fish out of your fish tank and shakes it at you screaming “WHAT KIND OF DOG IS THIS?!” *
Ok, all you people who adopt dogs and put “who rescued who?” stickers on your car… you drive me crazy!
Clearly it’s “who rescued whom?”
Capitalism is making me sad so I’m going to buy myself a little something.
I’m at my most daredevil when I sneak in the break room & steal all the good chocolate filled donuts..
Elton John: Mars ain’t the kinda place to raise your kids…
Neil Degrasse Tyson: [peers over newspaper]
Elton John: in fact it’s cold as hell
Neil Degrasse Tyson: [nods, goes back to reading]
The 4 stages of a family vacation
I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs.
She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.
[first date]
her: do u like cats or dogs better
me: [looking at menu] what page are u on
i may not be the smartest person in the room. i may not be the most interesting, or the most successful person in the room. but i’m definitely in the room
Thrilled I bought a 55″ screen so I can listen to it while I stare at a 4″ screen.
This has got to be the Twitter exchange of the day.
[moving her panties to the side]
HEY MAA, I’M MAKING ROOM FOR MY LEGOS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR DRAWER.
Me: So how do you want me to drop you off for your first day of middle school?
11: Just pull up and act cool.
Me: I don’t have to “act” cool, so I got this.
11: Daddy …
Me: Got it. Just be me.
11: DO NOT JUST BE YOU!
Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do. And somehow we must all watch videos of it.
Sexiest Man Alive implies there’s a Sexiest Man Dead
Anchor:Actress Zooey Dechanel has murdered an entire town
Co-Anchor:Lol who murders a whole town
A:So quirky
C:Haha America’s sweetheart
I finally bought a set of dumbells.
How long are you supposed to rest in between sets?
Please say 6 weeks.
The English language lacks a word to mean “To make a spouse feel uncomfortable by aggressively cleaning the house around them”.
The loudest sound ever recorded was the volcanic eruption of Krakatoa, so named after the 2nd loudest, someone stubbing their foot on a coffee table.
Hear me out. An Elton John themed Indian restaurant named Rocket Naan.
Santa is always broke after Christmas.
That’s why he’s called St. Nickel-Less.
#Christmas #RubbishJokes #AmazingFacts
I’m a human alarm clock so when I wake up this early for no reason, I punch myself in the face to turn myself off.
Netflix is asking every five minutes if we’re still watching and I think it must be suffering from separation anxiety now that people are going outside again.
If you enjoy eating cereal with the 8 drops of milk that was left in the carton, then kids may be for you.